Yes I am an intense person, I can be very intense at times. And I know it bothers other people and can really affect our friendships and even the ability to have a relationship.

Yes, I would like to get rid of this once and for all and not have to worry about it. But something you should know about me is I didn’t choose to be this way and didn’t ask for it.

You see:

I lost my Dad to my mom doing parental abuse at age 7 for her not wanting me to see him, not to protect me but because she was being selfish, cold, and getting back at him.

I dealt with abuse in elementary all the way to a Freshmen year in school and don’t tell me they didn’t know for telling a school teacher on recess only meant “I will watch them” with no disciplinary action.

I dealt with losing my mom at age 26

The Christian Church spreading gossip about me knowingly speaking and then ask what do you want me to do about it.

Do you think that might make someone intense and be hard to deal with at times? Don’t you think I would like to one day and say AB you are no longer intense congratulations? Do you think it doesn’t bother me that I can be intense, that many times I wish I wasn’t? Or do you think as you often seem to that I one day and said hmmm I think I will choose to be intense today and make it hard to be friends with someone.

Someone I once knew said you have really changed, ya I did but not because I chose to. Don’t dishonor me by pitying me for that is a great dishonor you can give, if you are a best friend be a best friend, if you are a close friend be a close friend.

Yes I have even looked at taking a major company to court for ethical violation of being fired and then a cover up. Yes, I have dealt with all of this but when thing you must understand also is that my greatest joys are like no other. I am the safest person you have met, I wouldn’t hurt a spider but if you go after someone and try to hurt them I am willing to lay my life down to protect their very right to exist. I have given snacks to people who needed it because I knew they did more than I. I have paid a meal for someone and when they dishonored him told the crew I wouldn’t be back for such a treatment. I have the biggest heart you will ever meet and those that I love I love and those that I will protect I will pursue every angle to get both of us out of their safety and run 300 scenarios in my mind in two minutes and while I am as Alan Turin put it a “Atheist to violence” I will protect their very right to exist. Because I will not let that person that I love be harmed by a wolf and those that want to kill, steal, and destroy are the full essence of what a wolf is. So therefore don’t pity me and don’t make it seem like being tense is a ugly thing for you do yourself a great dishonor by doing so.