You put two people in a room and sooner or later you will have disagreements and arguments.
Along with this you will have doubts and wondering about what you could have said what could you have done better or should be.
I just saw this photo of this “cute couple” the guy was totally loving her like he should but the gal had this incurable condition where she was always going to be ugly……..because he saw her heart……..will she have alot of doubt you bet. Will he? probably just as much if not more when guy’s are usually wired that way. But did he see the real her to take a risk and go after her……….well the fact he is holding her tight and not afraid to kiss her in the photo say’s alot so you tell me.
We all have doubts: doubts about our past, things we can’t control, doubts about who we are, if they see the real us, if we see the real them, even doubts if you made the right move or not and even if you could have done it better.
You will say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and it will be devastating for you when you realize It. There will be moments where they will hurt you without intending to do so and moments where you do the same.
For me it’s not about the conflict, it’s about your ability to arise above it. I personally decided if I move in with someone I am I a relationship with to get a three bedroom house. One bedroom is yours and the other two are his room and her room. It can have a tv, stereo, computer, books, whatever helps that person to retreat and be ready to be in the same room again as the other. It’s your room the other person can help offer to decorate with ideas they have, but they can’t enter and the relationship is respected no get backs.
One of the reasons for this is the understanding that disorders come into play and with that you have to learn how to cope with theirs, them cope with yours, even if it’s PTSD or SPD.
We think the best relationships never have any doubt, arguments, and they always know without any doubt thereof. I don’t think this is the case, I think they still had doubts but they talked it over, they worked it out, and by this I don’t mean via texting or emailing I mean face to face or over the phone. A person once said the only way they stay together due to her bipolar is she has her partner tell her what bothered him at the end of the day and they make amends and they do this every night. That got me to thinking why should it just be one person and not both. Also the best ways I’ve grown closer to someone is thru the apology and some of those apology’s mean the world to me. For reasons due to privacy I won’t get into that here or hey ya know this isn’t me and this isn’t you that affected this moment it’s related to what I struggle with. I’ve done that and I probably should more often.
Two of my favorite lines in addressing doubt are
I believe, but help me with my unbelief
Remind yourself what you know to be true
What I love about the second line is he’s saying “I know what’s true, I know this doesn’t seem right and there’s more that I need to understand but can you help me with the rest because I am confused right now”. Is he saying it all its wrong? all bad? No, he just wants to understand what he doesn’t know but respect the person by saying I know there is more to this and I want help with it.
And a third isn’t a line it’s the song don’t stop believing because I’ve always believed that at the end of the day real love true love can conquer all. It will have ups and downs and will even have bad moments but if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be and no force in this world can prevent that because love is more powerful than anything that man can create. It’s more powerful than disorders, trauma, it’s more powerful than separation, deep hurt.
So don’t stop believing