I assure you all of this is true.
When I was a lad I would play with the neighborhood kids to come up with games on the street. I didn’t like the bike stunts or the “let’s play ball” type games………I loved using my imagination……….your bike became a jet that when shot down becomes a motorcycle.
The one thing I absolutely loved was the idea of someone being in trouble like playing “cops” and coming to their rescue. Not for the glory but because i valued the sanctity of human life. In JR high I was picked on: being shoved into the walls, bag zipped open causing things to spill out due to the design of the backpack, my stomach punched in, and yet I still tried to live peaceable with others. I remember one time saying hi to a person as the car drove past with me riding in the front seat and the friend said “AARON!” and I’m like “What? would you rather want a friend or a enemy”.
There are two of my favorite things in life: the light that comes on a person’s eyes when they learn something or when they reach a goal that you knew they could. And the second is when you reconcile with someone………..just yesterday I was talking to a friend using my phone and a guy was calling out from a way’s and when he got close I’m like man you can see I’m talking to someone and I couldn’t hear you you could have waited till I was done” having worked about a 9.5 hr day on the clock for a total of 10 hrs at work and the pain and anguish of what I was dealing with in the sound of my voice. He could tell by the sound of my voice, that I was going thru a lot in that moment and it was a deeper issue than him just asking. And he’s like “I’m sorry” and “I’m like its cool man I just had a long day at work” and gave him the time. I was like “Yes! I got to reconcile with someone and I don’t even know his name”
People see the Aspy and what they don’t see is that when I was watching the news one day not knowing what the disorder entailed they were talking about how they did a test on the person and how the person viewed people like themselves and not like themselves equally and the anchor said “maybe they aren’t the one’s with the disorder maybe its us” and I was like “That’s cool! I want that disorder”…………..it wouldn’t be until recently that I remembered that prayer was honored.
Bethany Hamilton character was said in a movie to have said when asked if she would change the fact of losing one arm due to a shark attack “I wouldn’t change that day if I could because then I wouldn’t have this chance of embracing all of you even with two arms”. I commend Her! Its not easy to lose your favorite thing in your life and to wonder if you will ever get back in the water again only to embrace it as your life’s calling to surf with one arm as I’ve never gone surfing but I know one arm can’t be easy especially to be able to compete.
Here’s what I do know: I will always struggle with having the English Grammer of a second grader, I struggle with learning how to do something but when I do its a even greater accomplishment than those that don’t struggle with learning. When I learn someone can understand English and communicate somewhat well I know what the struggle of learning so I try to make things easier for them. When I taught Yonas from Ethiopia how to clean the tables I gave him a visual: sanitize, soap, water, and sanitize (all lined up on the table with the sanitizer bottle there twice to demonstrate me teaching him) and then emphasized on the second sanitize wait one minute before using the throw away towels afterwards he had it down. Talk about a great feeling you taught someone knew afterwards to do the task.
There are people that think you are great and then there are people that believe in your greatness……..there was a person that I met back in February of last year that we believed in each other’s greatness
Here is how I define believing your great: your a great person that’s all, nothing more.
Believing in your greatness is this: I believe your a great person and not only do I believe that I know your going to accomplish great and fantastic things you could not fathom right now.
The Aspergers plus probably who I am will always prevent me form hitting someone or hurt someone physically. I will never in my lifetime do this and I don’t even like the idea of self defense unless its defending someone else’s ability to live. When people see people walking around I see another living, breathing human being. It bothers me when I treat someone disrespectfully whether or not they deserved it. It bothers me that people treat each other with hatred, malice, and want to hurt each other deeply.
It bothers me when people are the target of jokes by friends of mine that I have to ask them to stop because it really bothers me, no matter who the other person is. Because they are people too…….they have feelings, emotions, eat, and want the best in their life as well.
You know what else bothers me? The things you look back that you wish you could have done differently: the person that no one liked that you could have asked your ex girlfriend that you saw each other’s greatness last February to give a ride for and suggest the idea because maybe they needed it at that moment, the person that you could have invited a ride for who is a good friend even though your exhausted and overwhelmed and just worked graveyard.
Just so you are aware when I worked graveyard its easier for me to get overwhelmed: I am dealing with tiredness, hungry, exhausted from working, I want to get sleep, and I want to just relax. However what I should have done differently is see if my ex-girlfriend doesn’t mind if you ask other’s freely to give people rides for to help them out.
Because in the end we are all trying to get thru life the exact same way.
While my thirty mile journey’s are harder for me (metaphorically speaking) than someone’s one mile journey for me it may feel thirty miles in that one mile…….but what thirty mile journey for them is like for me going one mile? We are all trying to get to the finish line and we are all trying to get to the finish line and cross it all together.
Yes there are day’s I hate the Aspergers and there are day’s I am grateful I have it. But I am so full of life: I like enjoying life to the fullest and enjoying each moment. I love working with people and making them laugh………in fact its my goal to make people laugh every day. I still believe in getting my work done and doing the best job I can but one thing I have found from working graveyard and having shifts with low morale is its morale that gets stuff done quicker and makes everyone happier more than anything else.
I take pride that I am the most forgiving person I know that leaves people scratching their heads but the one thing I take pride in above all is that My heart is pure gold that I would rather have Aspergers for life.
Ricky a co-worker said it well when he said “AB you have high morales for yourself” ya………I do, but then again I believe we are all trying to get thru life together.
I choose not to try to go thru life not judging anyone because why would I want to be judged? I choose to look at the one mile vs 30 mile as often as I can metaphor. Even as a child I wanted the sanctify of life that my first three career goals were
For a couple reasons while I knew I would make a great dad one day always wanted to rather be a step parent than a biological even in High School and the second being the benefits to help support a family. Things like paid vacation and the like
I am the most selfless person I know. I will even say if there was a way to get rid of selfishness in me, I would remove it.
The part that tears me apart is I realized recently that there is cure for a heart disease that I had that is rare, yet we spend billions of dollars per year to find a cure for cancer that isn’t chemo or radiation and we do this year after year and haven’t found a cure. My thinking is they haven’t found one because once they do there goes their way of making money. This issue grieves me so much that I have wished they found a cure for cancer and not for the heart disease I had. Yes, I know exactly what I am saying: I’m saying that I wished I didn’t make it and all of those people lived. Not because I want to not live, but the thought of people making money on others suffering isn’t right.
If I were to run a cancer research clinic here is how I would make it: you had to donate from top to bottom 8 hrs once a month, entirely no one is paid, and all the money literally goes to research reducing the amount of overhead and the amount of people that just want to keep the research going so they can retire.