You stare at me.
I learned from an incredible author “Because I have learned that for some going 1 mile is for others like going 30 miles” and this should hit home for you, because for you going one mile is for me like going 30 miles
You judge me for my inawkardness, for bumping into people, not thinking things thru, you judge me for trying to fit in. You judge me for my learning disability that I always will struggle learning. What you don’t see is that I push myself hard to master those skills, what you don’t see is that I will take the rap so someone doesn’t have to like when we didn’t get a task done but I know is not his fault because he was struggling with anxiety and it was feeling very heavy for him that I had to help get him to have lower anxiety but I don’t want to shame him or to embarrass him so I try to explain that they don’t know the full story.
On top of it I am incredibly clumsy and people judge that as carlesness, should be more careful, watch what your doing. And I am pleading inside to ask “how could I have been more careful? How could I have watched what I was doing more?”
You know what I pride myself in? That I care about others and deeply so. I can help coach people on social communication and that I also pride myself in.
What you don’t see is I am pushing myself each and every day………I push myself to learn a new task, I push myself to love those I want to love, I push myself to getting to know someone I really want to get to know, I push myself to never be full of hatred, never full of malice, but forgive others constantly. And I push myself to do what needs to get done.
I struggle with how to communicate what I so want to communicate to the other person that at times I need time to be able to tell them because I can’t fully tell them in that moment. Other times when they ask or push for it to be by text or even emails it becomes something I can’t do because I can’t really say by email what I need to by phone or in person. And if I make a mistake by phone or if I can tell they misinterpret what was said I can catch it easier. You telling me “yes you can” doesn’t help me by keep pushing it. Because your telling me you know what I struggle with that you do not. You can keep telling me but that doesn’t make it easier for me if you want to help me in that regard help me by giving me someone that can help be my interpreter that is a safe person for you for me to go thru especially by email. If you want me to help you, plz help me in helping you. If that means brainstorming ideas together of who to use to be my interperter, if that means we do so but as a final resort if one of us is confused we call each other about it.
Please also know I am good on my promises, but I need lee-way too……if I don’t hear the phone ring its because I am asleep but as soon as I realize its you especially in the early dawn I will see what’s wrong right away. If I am in a house that has cell phone issues and I don’t call back right away don’t see it as a attack on you but due to the house having connection issues.
And if your important to me and I don’t mind you knowing the skeletons in my closet I will always be honest with you and you can see it as a sign that I will continue to do so.