Its around that time of year that it will soon be Christmas…………but I can tell you it hasn’t really felt like Christmas for the past 10 years.

My Mom passed away in 2008 and My family didn’t understand that I should be able to open up presents or that I was supposed to be given something by this deal. Ever since then its about food, laughter, and AB get out of the kitchen not even wondering why I keep asking to help out or telling me why they keep telling me for most of those years.

People celebrate Christmas in alot of ways that are unique to them, for me its this going to Christmas Service singing the same songs that you have sang a hundred times before, and then going to look at Christmas lights, having hot coca, and then going to bed. And when the family is altogether again opening up Christmas presents and then having a meal.

You see for me its not about the Presents and most of the time presents are great but not needed. Its about the thought that counts even when your brother that is also autistic and probably less functioning on the spectrum gives your sister a large insect and say’s I was thinking of you when I saw this………probably because She used to work in a lab. But for me that is how I think of Christmas……..

Probably because that is how I grew up with Christmas so it brings those memories back of when you didn’t think you got that present but then your told to go grab something underneath a bed to help put the presents away and its a hockey table. Its the moments where you remember for your birthday you got a train set that you even had dreams about that train set. As an adult I don’t need that stuff, I don’t need micromachines, legos, a hockey table, or a train set. But getting a DS game, a smartphone watch, a really cool hoodie, those knicknacks that are $10 like when one person gave me this thing that you can use to make all these bacon dishes, or a backscrubber for the shower that the handle doesn’t come off, a pocket watch, etc those are things that makes it feel like Christmas.

I will self correct myself and say it did when I celebrated it with my former best friend and we went to Church and then joked with her family and the tears were coming out of everyone’s eyes from laughing too hard. Or when someone else gave me those really cool knick knacks. It was those memories that stayed with you, those memories that you cherish even after the friendship has been sunk like the Titanic.

Its not about the presents, its the thought of “wow I knew you really wanted this or could use this” its the thought of the sunshine on their face when they opened that present you couldn’t wait to give to them. Its the thought of not just taking them out to dinner but its the thought of “you know I really saw you checking this out and I snuck it behind your back when we were at the checkout lane”

Its the winter snow the sound of snow trampling under your feet, the cold brisk air, the still silence the snow makes when its in the air as well as sticking to the ground, its the thought of family, friends, and loved one’s surrounding themselves in the living room.

Again its not the presents its the thought of thinking about others, its the thought weeks or even months ahead of time. One person said he got to celebrate it 4x: 1x when he bought the item 2x when he wrapped it right away and a 3x time when he placed it under the tree and a 4x when they opened it.

This year everyone is excited, they are talking about shopping, cool deals, and they are talking about all the fun they are going to have and even “can’t wait to get home to spend time with family” and all I can think of is get me past this year…………get me past this month and on top of it being able to get holiday pay.