Some of you ally’s make the best ally’s and your great at it…………but you could do so much better.
You think all you need to know is what you learn what most people can relate to on the job training but that’s not the case. That you don’t need to look things up and understand why the aspie in your life is being effected this way. When often just looking it up can help give you an idea what’s going on.
Some people think that all is really needed is just to move on, but that doesn’t help when the other person hasn’t said “ya know I created alot of damage in this area in fact there was so much damage created that I need to own up to it” They call the person up and tell the Aspie “I lied to you repeatedly, I made things difficult for us to be friends when you didn’t know what to expect from me and when you tried to understand how to respect me you were seen as the enemy in that moment. I treated you with such disrespect that I just needed to own up to it and tell you it wasn’t all on you it was on me too”. Both of you know that its not going to go back to the friendship and neither of you want to ever again. And the fact that the person hadn’t owned up to it made matters worse for you.
The Irony is we tell children “kiss and make up” as in “go ahead and hug your brother and tell each other your sorry. But as adults we focus on “I am unwilling to apologize ever to this person”.
When something effects me deeply I will spend weeks even months trying to understand it and learn how to perceive it by spending that time.
For several reasons
1. It deeply effected me that I need to sort out my emotions
2. Talking about it with safe people helps me get over it
3. It helps me process what happened and what really happened
As so many want to only see the face data without trying to understand what really happened.
It helps me in knowing how to deal with such a incident in the future And in talking it out I can avoid the same thing in the future plus get feedback on what they think however I will choose to take it or leave it but that doesn’t mean their feedback will not be important to me it only means it’s important to see how others see it as well plus any thing I’m not aware of that they can provide.
4. How well you know me and I mean know me plays a huge role plus the other people involved or the situation at hand.
5. It helps me knowing where I am in the wrong or not in the wrong as the case may be at times and what I can learn from to grow from that same experience.
6. I have learned that by looking at something and taking the time to do so from five different angles provides a different perspective than just viewing it from one angle alone.
7. It also helps me grieve
All of this because emotions are hard for me along with the fact of processing my emotions and my thoughts can take a long while. Some can do this in quick steps and they avoid the risk of entirely being in the wrong and never learning from it. I however find the benefit of doing so to actually know more about myself, where I need to grow, where I am doing well and even excelling. Some of have said this is obsessing for me and others it’s how we naturally process events. As for me to do it quickly will often lead to misunderstandings and I won’t learn from the experience or consider what my reaction should be afterwards. And often doing so my insight can be deeper than others and more insightful and full of wisdom by doing so