When your often lied to yet they don’t call it lying its called Pleasantry. Its the person that makes plans to see a movie where and what time but when it comes to the grit of it they don’t follow thru. I don’t mean they don’t follow thru because they were busy or had something come up I mean they didn’t intend to follow thru. They don’t intend to make it happen. Its that person that say’s yes to getting together yet time after time they don’t actually mean to get together. To where you will try a couple times and be told this or that. Like they are promising yes but they don’t follow thru they will make you believe with sheer “honesty” its a yes but that yes is really a no. You try a couple times and something comes up. And then are told they weren’t interested to begin with. Its called Pleasantry, they are saying one thing but don’t really mean it so they are lying by being pleasant. The idea being the person will get the message and not continue further. When you get down to the root of it, saying yes to something your not intending to keep is lying complete lying.
When you are dealing with a literal world where something means this and this means that no questions asked. Yet friends and family do pleasantry, they may have had good intentions but the end result is the same…..they lied to you.
It bothers me more when its close friends and family due to the fact that you can only take things at face value. Something that quickly doesn’t add up may still be possible yet won’t be seen in the same light.
For those of you that don’t know what I mean, its like this ever walk on a road and a car is coming towards you? If they keep their regular lights on you can both see each other. The car knows what your doing and exactly where your at. You know the car is coming towards you and any blinkers to tell you when they are turning. Now that is good cause you can still see the road and the boundaries of where the road starts and where your path ends. The issue becomes when they turn on the bright beams they think it helps both of you out and it saves you pain in the process justifying it by saying they dont want to hurt your feelings or cause emotional pain. Here is what actually happens even if your looking down the whole time the bright beams change how the path and road look like to where you don’t know where your path starts and ends and where their “path” starts and ends. Your walking at that point like your drunk, you go from side to side because you don’t know where straight is. If the driver gets hit by another car they got door panels, the front and the back to protect them……………if you get hit there is nothing to protect you and no seat belt.
It doesn’t make it easier for you to see the car when they do pleasantry because all you see is bright beams it actually makes it harder. Until long after the car has gone past you. The event may be over of the car in front of you but the effects are the same until he’s long past you.
One of the things that have been discussed is the ability for the person to be forthcoming with you. The person that doesn’t share or that hides things from you on purpose………..isn’t forthcoming. Forthcoming would be to where they tell you things that you would know at that stage in your relationship. Forthcoming would be making the person think your single when your really dating someone so when you say “a person i am dating very quickly gets changed to if I were dating” wouldn’t be forthcoming. Forthcoming would be if your engaged don’t make someone think your single.
The desire being ultimately that you are told so that confusion doesn’t set in and that the people doing pleasantry aren’t the people the want to and actually be forthcoming. Being forthcoming makes things that are miscommunication less, confusion less, and trust happen more. If you want things to be confusing less you keep your bright beams low and make yourself known. You don’t shed light everywhere only in front of you where it helps you and them.
NTs want trust and forthcoming too, they want to be able to trust their co-workers and for them to be able to rely and depend on that person. The person that I thank God for at work is the person that I never have to worry about until there is something. Stealing a friend’s soda cause to be honest you buy it from the machine it doesn’t matter where you put it, it can get confusing can be seen as stress (believe it or not it can) or pass it off as don’t worry about it. For example one moment I didn’t know who’s soda was who’s the end result being that I was pretty sure I put mine there first yet gave them the benefit of the doubt and in the end it was up to each person to repurchase a soda. While I had initially offered to pay for their’s, the looks and feedback I received changed my mind from ever fulfilling it esp when it was turned down that night. I know people like their soda, but that’s a bit too much of a like. I love coca cola and for the most part won’t consider Pepsi Products and alot of theirs i absolutely refuse to touch because of the taste alone but even if it was reversed I would accept their offer or realize that maybe i was the second person to put it there. At one point I was trying to make a friend laugh but it was a bad moment and I apologized and said I could tell She was really bothered by something and was trying to lift Her spirits up. While I was completely in the wrong my motive and how it was seen was “no big deal man, I knew you were cool”.
No one likes to work with that person that you always gotta find out if something was cool, to where “temperature checks” are common place. Honestly many times I get upset but I am upset with myself or I am like “really?!?!?! you couldn’t do this” but I am not sure who that person was. Even swearing “you ______” can be talking to a item that you have to carry that is very large and very heavy and you gotta do a couple of those during your shift and when you do a couple of them you get tired out from doing them real quick.
What people don’t realize is, when your caught lying red handed. Anything you have ever said whether it’s completely true and was always seem as truth can now be considered a lie and the thing is you cannot argue that it’s not fair. Lies are a kids issue, adults say what actually happened! even while at the Law enforcement Academy I was told if your caught lying as a officer go ahead and turn in your badge because your career is pretty much ruined at that point. The whole officers oath is about integrity and walking with integrity and honesty. A officer lying to help ease a person from this life into the next may be okay saying everything is going to be fine when he knows that person is less than five minutes away from seeing their maker.