the quick answer is no….we are not…..we just wonder how it should have been done. that person that you felt hurt by or think “I wonder if they singled me out or hold something against Me”………..knowing how to approach that given situation can be the hardest issue.
If i could go back and count each time I got in trouble for not knowing how than the times I knew how and addressed it in a well clear cut manner that most NTs are able to do………….the former would outweigh the latter by 1,000 x’s.
Many NTs are able to know how to address it, how to phrase it, and how to approach it….in the same way you can do that and be sure on……..I don’t know how to unless I really know them to know how the approach and words might be taken. I am smarter in Technology than in addressing human error.
I can’t tell you how often I have longed to change that and be smarter in people skill’s than in technology. I even helped create a company I work for latest application in suggesting ideas of how to improve it that later came out on the Beta version.
Too many times when I don’t know how I feel about something and when that happens it usually lead’s to my worse moments…its not uncommon to not know for months and on a rare occasion for a whole year to know what bothered me about it and why I was very upset. Or to feel like I have a voice and that what i chose to address was very respectful and not only that but you did have that place in that person’s life to really tell them your actual thoughts…….and as “easy” as that sounds to not get scared at the notion but feel that they will allow you to.
Truth be known alot of NTs feel that NDs are insensitive……we look at what you guy’s do towards each other and wonder how you can be so unloving
at times it feels that those are in fact that are insensitive is the one’s that claim they are sensitive and by that I mean are also NTs themselves but aren’t towards those on the spectrum or towards each other.
we may be the hardest to get to know because it takes so long to understand us but when you as a NT get past that stage we are the most appreciative of our friendship with You and really try to go out of our way for You
Often times the way we handle a situation is not because we are trying to be a ass or just plain mean. Its because we are unsure how to react to it. A month ago a person thought I didn’t know what a drumstick was (the ice cream type) and my thoughts were “ummm yah……doesn’t everyone?” and the way I react to it was not called for but once that was pointed out I deleted the offensive comment on social media and apologized and explained. Many that are blocked would see that as “a red flag” but what they didn’t see is how I reacted to it that they are totally unaware of and the thoughts of what I was thinking at the time
~The Truth of the Reality~
We are very loyal esp to Good, close, Best, friends or towards family esp if we feel close to them……..at times I can’t explain why this aspect is so important to Me or why it means to Me much more than how a NT could see it……..its not that they are less loyal those that are NDs just in my mind show it more that can often get misinterperted
Maybe its because to maintain relationships with any type esp to good and close friends are so hard to obtain….or that we know what its like to not feel valued in someone’s eyes that you may not have had a crush on….even if its your own gender but you still had a great respect and while you tried to repair what you felt was going on…………they for one reason or another didn’t feel the same.
Knowing what someone is trying to communicate can be harder than you can expect. For many if you always say “I am busy” whenever they want to chat they eventually get the message
For all of You that have that close, good, or person you want to get to know better….imagine the person that You know In Real Life that you mean alot to them and they sincerely do but they don’t have the time to be in your life on a regular basis but only very little……..when they always respond with “I am busy” for some that means “I am not interested in getting to know you” but for just as many people as the first group it really deep down means just that…..that they are really busy and yet they still want to be in your life.
Both people said the exact same thing but what they said was two different things and yet both figured you would automatically know what they said in what group they are in the former or the latter
Alot of you are really sensitive, what I find mind boggling is that we are called insensitive. I know alot of you are not insensitive but very sensitive. You mean the world to me esp if we are close friends. In looking this over in 2018, I asked some NDs what it means if they want a person to cuddle with or dance with. Only a few and I mean a few responded however both people agreed it has to be someone they care about and trust. In feeling free to ask a gal to dance is like NTs asking that special someone to cuddle with. No, I do not mean or will mean it has to be romantic to start with between you.
I do mean however its shared with a rare few. You can be the most well dressed, good looking, and considered very stunning by many and still ask me to dance. I would still turn you down unless I knew you, trusted you, and cared about you. But I would want to get to know you long term to one day want to dance together. The best dances I have had is with NTs even for a minute or two. The people I have fallen in love with the most are NTs a couple I have never regretted.
Recently I was talking to someone and i was trying to encourage the conversation to happen by phone as we had already swapped numbers but they wanted to force it by text message. After forty-five minutes they had not succeeded in explaining their situation entirely as I couldn’t hear the emotion in their voice as it was done by text message only. After sending a one minute audio clip by messenger in the first five seconds I knew exactly what they were thinking and feeling because their voice told me exactly what the text could not. Because their voice shared their emotions and in sharing that part it also shared what they were thinking in that moment and where they were at, something text can never do. Text only shares intellect, it shows their points of what they are trying to make like reading a self help book. But when your communicating your involving more than just the author’s point your involving dialogue as your interacting with that author and having a conversation to get to know each other. When you can’t see their face and can only read words you don’t know if “I love you” is sarcasm or if them joking in what feels a crude way is entirely in jest or if they are about to cry about something you said that a moment before they were just fine. You only know what you read and that is the only thing you have to go off of, when you can hear their voice you can hear the playful sarcasm in their voice or the deep sense when they say “I love you” that its filled with aweness of who you are, and even though you can’t see the tears you can hear their voice breaking even when they are trying to control it to keep you from hearing it and also to keep themselves from the tears coming down so no one can see it.
Today I had such a moment and Eddie who is a supervisor at Starbucks cold see a tear I was so thankful when he was asking how I was and I said I am doing fine he didn’t press the matter. And when I ask someone if they are crying (even though I know they are) or why they are crying and they deny it, I take it like Eddie did that no matter how close you are (even though he and I aren’t close) to not press the subject as it can be a delicate one that they do not want to share and I will even ask often times “are you sure?”
If you research who we are and how we react to certain situations you will find that often we can at times express our mask is off. we can be our truest selves around you, that is something that not many get to experience because not many will want to do this. Its much like looking into a new hobby like snow caving. You know you will need to dig into the snow and how to form it, how to use the restroom, and cook your food intuitively. However by researching it you will learn you will die if you wear any cotton by 90% than if your naked, that not mean much but it will mean everything when your packing your bags and want to put your favorite hoodie inside. Knowing how to pack will mean more to you in the snow cave than it will when you are at home if you plan to make it back home again. More people die from climbing Mt. Everest on the way down than on the way up because they don’t properly prepare for the trip.
I am still preparing for Mt. Everest that is commonly known as Autism and learning things all the time, I need to better understand myself and why I react to situations the way I do. Or why I am the way that I am. I couldn’t understand that I was having a Autism Burnout until I discovered what it was.
We experience what the majority of us experience. Its almost like the old proverb “When you have met someone with Autism, you have met someone with Autism” except that in meeting someone with Autism you have learned alot of that others have dealt with just in knowing that person. In learning their experience you can see common experiences in other people with Autism.
Just because people have said those with Autism experience ______ don’t take it at face value to apply to everyone like anything its a broad statement and broad statements don’t always apply to every situation and everyone. There are times I like alot of loud noise like music and it can actually be calming especially when there are headphones on listening to music or a movie and there are other times loud sound hurts me. I can go to BITCH CAFE and totally enjoy the atomsphere and its incredibly loud to the core, but that is also because I know myself that if it starts to get too much I can walk out. Even if I am on a date She will understand completely where I am coming from and to be honest its a biscuits and gravy type place with espresso not a place where you would go dancing.
However even in dancing I can choose if I am up for it and I can choose it to be the right kind of place and check it out before we decide this is the place when we first pull up. Just like not all neurotypicals deal with the same thing not all neurodiverse deal with the same thing.